The First Seed
As I rolled to the far side of the bed I felt precisely what I was dreading: the first rays of sun pouring through the window.
Another sleepless night of tossing and turning as my mind raced.
A few weeks earlier I split up with my girlfriend and I found myself riddled with anxiety as I desperately regretted my decision.
For me, my anxiety always hits its crescendo as I make my way to bed. You know the feeling where your neck is just a little strained and you can tell your heart is beating a bit faster than usual? Yup - that.
And then you have that moment when you realize that you're a bit anxious and it will be tough to fall asleep and because of that you get even more anxious? Yup - that as well.
And before you know it, 11:00pm is 3:00am, the blankets have been thrashed all over the bed, and the thought shifts to how to make it through work the next day?
Yup - all of that.
For weeks on end this was happening.
The only way I was able to get more than a wink of sleep had been by self-medicating with alcohol or a joint - not uncommon for both.
On this particular night when the sun poured through the window, I found myself at my parents house. Both of whom are avid gardeners (more on this in a few months).
So, I pulled myself out of bed and made my way downstairs to brew a cup of coffee.
"How'd you sleep?" my mom asked from across the kitchen as I awaited my cup.
"I didn't sleep."
"Why don't we spend some time in the garden today, Jordan?"
Somewhat confused by the suggestion, I agreed - anything to distract my mind for a bit.
We made our way out to the garden and my mom suggested a project for the day - constructing a garden bed. I had not spent any time gardening so my mom laid out a plan for building the garden bed: bring over some river rock for a retaining wall, pile in a bunch of soil, and then at a later point we could decide what to plant.
And then something amazing happened.
As I started piling rocks into the wheelbarrow, pushing them along the path towards the planned location and filling the new bed with soil - I felt something I hadn't felt in weeks:
For the first time in weeks the clamps of anxiety loosened, my heart rate slowed.
It was one of those moments where you didn't need an explanation from a therapist or a scholarly article, you just intuitively knew. I knew gardening was going to play a special role in my life.
8 years later, it is this exact feeling that I am looking to bring to more than a million individuals with Mind & Soil.
Now, where did the worms come from? Well, there may be a story for that just around the corner :)
Big love to y'all!