The emotions of launching Mind & Soil
I’m coming to the close of launch weekend and admittedly am feeling quite depleted. I feel like there’s this stigma that the leader is meant to have a never ending abundance of energy and is not to show their weakness or depletion. I do believe there is some merit in that, but also fear that it could lead many astray. So, for whatever reason I’m feeling called to share my full experience of launching this business/initiative.
I feel ecstatic.
On one hand, I feel ecstatic. This launch has been not only the culmination of 6 months of focused work but also 3 years of deep introspection as I’ve tried to figure out how I want to be investing my time and energy. There have been moments through the lead up to this launch where I have wished for time to stand still - to stay ever present in the moment for it has been euphoric to feel my energy aligned with a purpose and vision I’ve never believed in so much. I feel incredibly grateful to have found this alignment and to be bringing a dream into reality.
I feel guilty.
On the other hand, it feels similar to being just a few kilometers into a grand hike where the initial excitement has worn off and you realize the task at hand. I’ve poured myself into bringing this to life and sit with a few thousand dollars in revenue from the launch - a far cry from being able to have this as a venture that will be able to cover my cost of living. It’s in these realizations where I think to myself: what the hell are you doing?!
In bringing a business or initiative to life, I feel a sense of guilt for not feeling overflowing with energy at the end of the launch push. While this might not be something typically shared by a founder/leader, I know that for myself acknowledging and exploring into my emotions is an incredibly liberating process. For myself, it’s when I deny and suppress these feelings that they gain power.
I feel scared.
I’ve read enough books and listened to enough podcasts to know that inevitably there will be people out there looking to put down and pull apart the business - my baby.
I’m afraid of when this will happen given how deeply I care about it and how much pride I take in it. Additionally, I know more intimately than anybody the shortcomings, areas needing improvement, and exposed risks that I could come across sooner or later. Being limited on every resource (time, energy, and money) means I have to consciously acknowledge these elements and come to peace with the business being at its currently developed state.
I feel relieved.
As I have written this, I have felt much of the burden lift. Since discovering Journaling in 2018, it has been an incredibly cathartic and soothing tool in my mental health toolkit. I started this journal entry knowing that I needed to explore into the emotions I was experiencing. And while I feel that sharing this does not align with the traditional ideals of a business leader - it does feel like the most real and authentic beginning to this adventure. And I think that’s why a lot of you are joining for the journey.
Some roses, some thorns. Both of which are oh so commonly present in life.
Big love to each and every one of you,